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竞争与合作作文选集及教师点评的内容

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发表于 2021-2-25 05:15:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
  一、四级作文评分标准:
  2分 (相当于14.2/710)—— 条理不清,思路紊乱,语言支离破碎或大部分句子均有错误,且多数为严重错误。(一塌糊涂)
  5分 (相当于35.5/710)—— 基本切题。表达思想不清楚,连贯性差。有较多的严重语言错误。(糊里糊涂)
  8分 (相当于56.8/710)—— 基本切题。有些地方表达思想不够清楚,文字勉强连贯;语言错误相多,其中有一些是严重错误。(马马虎虎)
  11分 (相当于78.1/710)—— 切题。表达思想清楚,文字连贯,但有少量语言错误。(清清楚楚)
  14分 (相当于99.4/710)—— 切题。表达思想清楚,文字通顺,连贯性好。基本上无语言错误,仅有个别小错。(漂漂亮亮)
  二、作文讲评
  Directions: For this part, you are required to write a composition on the topic Competition and Cooperation. You should write at least 120 words and base your composition on the outline given in Chinese below:
  1. 在生活中,我们到处都能见到竞争。
  2. 有时竞争与合作是并存的。
  3. 我们要以正确的态度对待竞争与合作。
  审题步骤:
  1. 在生活中,我们到处都能见到竞争。
  第一段的关键词是“到处都能见到竞争”,用列举法稍作展开,点到为止。
  2. 有时竞争与合作是并存的。
  第二段重点论述两者之间的关系,用一个具体事例来论证两者是如何并存的后,再列举几个同样的事例补充说明,会使得论证充分翔实些。
  3. 我们要以正确的态度对待竞争与合作。
  第三段关键词在“态度”上。可以使用观点陈述法;也可以使用辩证法来说明不同的态度会带来的不同影响。
  三、本次作文的总体印象:
  1. 多数同学都能做到基本切题和切题;
  2. 能运用所学句型结构和高频词汇表达思想;
  3. 多数同学能做到卷面整洁,书写较工整;
  4. 少数同学未能按照写作提纲展开段落;
  5. 部分同学存在语言表达不够简洁或表达不清楚的问题;
  6. 段与段之间的过渡问题、句和句之间的连贯性问题;
  7. 拼写问题;
  competition
  四、范文赏析
  Sample 1 for Paragraph 1 Competition exists in widely varied activities. Players of the same football team compete for slots on the team. In a workplace,colleagues compete for higher positions. And also in businessmarkets share. As for studentsin a society. (运用列举法简要说明竞争无处不在)(13分)
  (13级生科——张蒙)
  Sample 2 for Paragraph 1
  Competition is a common phenomenon in our social life. We compete when we play games, we try to do better than others in study, and our job, fame, wealth and something else all involve competition. Consequently, we can say that, to some extent, (12分) (13级物理——朱朝阳)
  Sample for Paragraph 2
  ……For example, a film is released successfully as a result of the willing cooperative efforts of many workers. But different films compete against each other
  for higher profits at the “box office”(票房). Actually, there are a lot of phenomenon paralleling shooting a movie in these respects such as the debate and the production of goods.(举例贴切、新颖) (13分)
  (13级历史——付梅颦)
  Sample 1 for Paragraph 3
  To avoid meaningless competition, what we should do can be listed as follows. Firstly, to consider competition as a method of improving ourselves, we are supposed to take competitors as accompanies who can company us on the way of life instead of our enemies. Furthermore, it would be a blessing if we can pull together with prospective competitors to advance achievements. By cooperating with them, we can undoubtedly, strengthen ourselves and find out their disadvantages in hope of seizing the opportunity. (观点陈述清楚、有条理。) (13分)
  (13级历史——骆勇)
  Sample 2 for Paragraph 3
  It follows that there is an inseparable relationship between competition and cooperation. We cooperate with others to be more competitive, and we compete to earn a better environment for cooperation. Thus, we can make a progress continuously. So, we should keep a right attitude about this: Only together with cooperation, can competition lead us to realize our common goals and encourage us to build a peaceful and prosperous society.(句式变化灵活多样!)(13级历史——程子璇)
  Sample 2 for Paragraph 2
  Although the “law of the jungle” which makes many people become out of work seems to be pretty cutthroat. However, cooperation is also wildly distributed in the market and our daily life. Actually, they even rely on each other to reach a balance,
  (12分)
  (13级物理——严体曾)
  Sample 3 for Paragraph 2 (承上启下,过渡自然) In fact, competition and cooperation exist side by side in many situations. For example, like an researcher longing for Nobel Award, it’s a must for him or her to cooperate with others and work together with the whole team to defeat the opponents. (13分)
  (13级心理——莫宇琪)
  Sample 3 for Paragraph 3
  It’s the attitude towards competition and cooperation we hold that determines whether we can have a colorful life. If we take competitom too seriously, life will be pale, and greed will destroy ourselves. In contrast, life will be so dull, and we’ll lose our individuality. Hold a correct attitude to coordinate competition and cooperation; only in this way can we live a harmonious life. (12分)
  (13级——物理杨军文)
  Sample 1
  Competition exists widely in our daily life. For instance, students compete for grades, workers compete for higher positions and different firms compete for profits. (语言简洁,紧扣exist widely展开说明生活中,竞争无处不在。)
  However, competition is inseparable from cooperation. Indeed, to succeed in competition requires great cooperation skills. A basketball team is an unequaled example of cooperation, yet competition has a role to play even in teams. Different members compete for each other seat in the team. Moreover, different teams compete for the championship. The production of steel, the operation of a department store, and the publication of a magazine all involve both cooperation and competition.
  Competition and cooperation exist side by side in human society.(本段的结论句,总结自然不突兀,合乎逻辑。)
  Free market competition is often described as “cutthroat” and “wasteful”, yet in competitive markets; firms don’t attack each other savagely. They compete by seeing who can best cooperate with consumers. market enhances cooperation. Both competition and cooperation have their own roles to play in building a peaceful and prosperous society. (13分)
  这篇文章能很好地紧扣主题,详略得当。语言表达流畅、通顺,能活学活用所学课文中的句式和词语表达思想。
  第一段语言简洁,列举得当;第二、三段为文章的主体部分。尤其是第二段,作者运用事例很好的阐述了竞争与合作之间的关系。第三段若能在段首点明我们应该采取怎样的态度来对待竞争与合作,就更完美了。
  (13级生科——高越)
  Sample 2
  Competition is common in every field of our daily life. We compete with others when we play games, when we try to do better in our study and when we constantly compete for jobs, fame, profit, etc.(列举事例简明扼要)
  Some people think competition is the only way to lead to success. However, cooperation is the same essential to success. We can often find competition and cooperation go hand in handIn football team, one team is competing with the other, but each member of the team is cooperating with his teammates. can not compete without cooperation. Cooperation can build trust between each other and help to bring long-term relationship. Human beings are social beings. No one can exist alone in the society. Cooperation makes a win-win situation.
  In my opinion, while advocating competition, we should never forget cooperation.(分词结构的句子运用,好!) In our daily life, cooperation is especially necessary
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